Julia Malakiman Coaching

Why Nice Guys are the Loneliest

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In dating, most men consider themself a nice guy.

Certainly they’re not an a**hole to women and respect them as much as possible.

So why are nice guys so lonely?

Well it’s the reasons for being nice that are the problem not so much the nice gestures.

Here’s why it’s a problem.

Nice guys want women to like, approve, and NOT REJECT THEM.

The goal is to be the version of himself that she’ll like the best, so then he’ll finally feel loved.

This means:

  • I won’t show her my flaws & I FOR SURE will not make any mistakes.
  • I’ll state my opinions but only to the extent that she doesn’t get upset.
  • I won’t show her my true feelings and insecurities.
  • I’ll be there for her as much as possible because I’m happy when she is.

The nice guy believes his “bad” parts or flaws are not acceptable for women to see & he will certainly reject that side in himself.

So we end up with sweet guy behavior which is nice on paper but at the core it’s dishonest, approval seeking, and low expression of one’s truth (so as to not lose the girl).

All of which makes losing the girl practically inevitable.

I see this with my clients. They think they’re doing everything “right”. “Right” meaning I thought I did everything she wanted.

Women read right through this facade.

The question is not how do I get women to like me?

It’s why don’t I currently like myself? What parts of me am I trying to hide from the world?

This is step one.

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