Julia Malakiman Coaching

5 Reasons You Hate Dating

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Here are the 5 reasons you hate dating.

Notice which reason sticks out the most for you. 

  1. It’s Something New

Dating and the early stages of a relationship can be really overwhelming because it’s something completely new for us. Whether it’s your first time dating or you’ve been in back-to-back relationships, meeting new people is something our brain has to work extra hard to process.

You’ve never experienced this person before so you don’t know what to expect. It’s nerve racking.  

I notice this come up with my clients who are new to dating and want to end things before anything really begins. 

They look to their past of inexperience to determine whether it’s doable in the future. For example, having an intimate relationship before or going on dates where you’re being adored and admired is quite frightening, especially in a newer relationship.

We haven’t built our capacity to have and receive. 

The early stages of dating bring a lot of unknowns and our brain is trying to cope the best it can. 

Have compassion for yourself. Determine what you actually want to be okay with and what your boundaries are. 

  1. You Don’t Want to Compromise

Most of us think our lifestyle and routine is going to have to change once we get into a relationship.

And it likely will. But we just assume it’s for the worst and not for the better.

No partner should make your lifestyle / routine drab or worse than when you were single. 

There are compromises to be made, date nights to be had, but anyone coming into your life should improve the overall quality, not bring it down.

This is a HUGE reason most single people don’t try to date.

  1. You’re afraid no one will like you

Our level of self-confidence is directly related to the success of our relationships and dating experience.

A lot of us have deep insecurities about how we look, talk, act, and the value we offer a partner.

This alone usually makes us not show up at all. We can’t fathom someone hating us (as much as we already do) so we self-sabotage.

We don’t go on dates, or we settle for low quality partners who treat us like crap. 

We’re constantly looking for signs that we’re not good enough to date. And we prove that true.

  1. It’s Too Hard

Meeting people nowadays whether it’s through online dating apps or in-person is TOUGH. 

No one knows where the single men and women are in the Bay Area. 

And, we’re more dedicated to our work and evening routine than we are to meeting new people. 

Combine this with extremely high and often unrealistic standards, you have a lot of good hearted single people wanting to date but don’t. 

It doesn’t help that men and women don’t approach each other romantically anymore and since COVID we’ve lost how to flirt with the opposite sex. 

The dating apps help to a degree but it doesn’t hide the fact that many people have poor communication both on the apps and in-person. 

When dating is too hard, or you don’t know how to do it differently, the likelihood of you pursuing it goes way down. 

  1. No One’s Ready to Settle Down

Online dating apps have made access to hookups as easy as a swipe of the finger. 

Why compromise and be in a committed relationship with one person when you can keep your lifestyle separate and have physical intimacy with anyone at any time?

Especially in California and the Bay Area, where open relationships are more normalized, having a rotation of partners is sought out. 

It’s a good set up for those who prefer that lifestyle. 

HOWEVER, if you’re hooking up with people because you think that’s all you can get OR that you aren’t good enough to be in a serious, long-term, loving relationship, then we need to take notice.

Low self-esteem plays a big role in people lowering their standards for quick sex or they never let the relationship get too serious. 

There are men and women in the Bay Area who do want to settle down. Many just haven’t found the one to do that with yet. 

More To Explore


Dating Multiple People at Once

When you’re in the beginning stages of meeting people (whether that’s through the dating apps or in-person) it’s okay to be talking to multiple people